The Glossary

Practicing the Transformational Love of God

There is only one way to grow a loving relationship with someone and that is to spend time with that person. We can think about our relationship with someone all day long, we can ask others what they think we should do in the relationship, and we can imagine what we will say and do when we get together with that person. All of this mental work will help. But, at the end of the day, if we don’t actually spend meaningful time with the person, the relationship won’t grow. Spending intentional time together is the soil, water, and sunlight of human relationality. This is especially the case when we have things to work through with the person we are building a relationship with. When there are ways we have wronged the person, longstanding patterns of unfaithfulness, and deeply entrenched self-centeredness, we are going to need quite a bit of time with them. Lots of confessing, apologizing, receiving forgiveness, and rebuilding trust. Perhaps, too, we have our own doubts and fears about their commitment to us, confusion and pain about times they appeared to let us down, and difficulty hearing what they are truly trying to communicate. If we heard about a married couple in this predicament, we might say, “You guys need to get away together on a marriage retreat.” And, of course, one marriage retreat wouldn’t do the trick. We might say, “You two need to build regular . . .